Gambling fever dreams/weirdness from the velvet rut

Insomnia is my new girlfriend all wrapped in her dreamy inequity...Jealous of all the sleepers getting their eight hours of curds and whey. I also just learned that Austin is a velvet rut all wrapped in her cocoon of part-time, excellent, so with fifty-one weeks left in my thirtieth year, I find myself thinking how the velvet rut started in my own life and why I got serious about playing cards. I was just bored mainly, but also a friend of mine, who was obsessed with video games, ended up getting a job in the gaming industry and it made me think about how I could play games for a living. If and only if I elevated myself into the top five percent of poker players so started practicing on the internet and found that I wasn't as good as I thought I was. That's a common trait with me though as I never am as good as I think I am, but like all things over time I have improved-I always thought that the devotion that one has to put into something to master it is akin to addiction-a slow obsessive burn until the pain becomes too great or the object of one obsession is mastered. The loosing keeps me up sometimes as I hate to loose. More than anything I hate to loose...It would be easier to win if I could sleep more than four house at a time. I haven't had a cigarette in three days so wish me luck...Monday, I start exercising to try to give myself some balance as playing good poker is all about discipline and if I institute it in one part of my life I am sure it will bleed over into others..